Hello 2009,
it feels goood to say that and be 28 min. away from this new year! And i'm very thankful as I am for everyday. I sadly have entered this new year with debts but I shoul be settled Friday. Payday!!! the best day of the week seriously. but I've got to stop living check to check that is my biggest goal this year to SAVE!!! its not so much I've been spending I just have BILLS like $800 or so in bills every month and that's probably a low estimate and so I've had no money in the bank the whole latter part of this year and I haven't had anything extr for spending for pleasure and so I hope to change all that. Wish me luck! but let's see I'm having a party in my pajamas 2night because I don't and didn't have ny plans I usually spend the new years eve with the mom but not this year =/ so I sit here blogging and watching clueless and I promise this will be the last time I skip social events it's a new year and time for me to be a social butterfly!!! enough. not that I don't enjoy my alone time but come on I'm the only child....ok and I spent time reflecting on this year in a kind rewind/ffwd kinda motion and it was all cool but it's behind me now I have these urges to wanna change things right now just because its the new year but that's so ugh to me so when I get sick of this layout i'll change it and when I feel like it I'll make a new myspace but right now I'm fine...you know ppl act like oh its the new year so everything will just magically change over night. NOT! like stop with the false dreams already
side note: *hetero* but isn't Stacey Dash GORGEOUS!!!!I wonder if she's had work done because even to this day the woman is BOMB!
sry about that but I also decided that I need to form my definition of friend or at least not call everyone I know a friend like there are associates, co-workers, peers, etc. and I think these people should be addressed by their respective titles when generally speaking so that's something I wanna get together. I feel as though I'm rambling so HNY!
until next time-
Wednesday
Tuesday
no title
although i'm going to include some of my resolution here i'd rather not use the title resolution or NYE wtf I hate that one...but so today I got nothing accomplished! all i did was friggin sleep for approx. 12hrs. i went to bed at 7 and didn't officilly get out of ped until 7pm except the quick run to the bathroom and occassionl toss and turn from my whooping cough. I am rarely "sick" and when I am I absolutely hate it! so I don't understand why ppl have 2 phones and not 2 jobs or any REAL reason to..and I also cannot stand pocketless jeans I freak out when I see anyone non-mexican wearing them...I'm not racist please don't get offended. I wonder if I'm loosing readers becuse these past 2 days I've been a bit daring, contriversial etc. well whatever. So I was so excited for these 2 days off so I could get some stuff done but sadly I didn't do a damn thing! which really sucks and that's what breaks are for but that's just not cool especially because I do have a few things I should do I don't absolutely HAVE to except that one thing but they will be beneficial...anywho can't cry over spilt milk just step it up hopefully this new year will give me the motivation to do so. But I said all that to say I'm happy to be working tomorrow because as of now it's my only social outlet I mean I would hate hanging with majority of ppl I work with outside of work but it's [fun] while i'm there...
But lets talk about resolutions: *note* this will be exactly like all the other posts you've seen on this topic pretty much including the share ur resolutions with me at the end*
Here goes my New Years Resolutions
-be positive! no matter what anything negative will be unknown and if it comes my way I will turn it into a positive
-focus on my wants, nothing else-this kinda ties in to being positive
-practice attraction-now since I read the secret I've been trying my best to do this and for the most part it's been working but I think I could meditate and focus on things more than I have so Ima try to devote myself to meditating at least once a day
-get a man! it's been too long dammit Ima be 20 and I REFUSE to go another year without a valentine
-be more social, maybe it's because I'm the only child or whatever so I don't mind being alone but honestly i don't think this much alone time is healthy I mean I need a real social life and I plan to get one!
-find my lifes purpose-this also goes with my focusing on what I want I mean I have 2.5 yrs. left of undergraduate approx. and it's about that time for me to know EXCTLY what I want to do the way I thought I did when I first got to college and decided to major in Bio.
-do what makes me happy-that means being HONEST with everyone no matter what, and enjoying only and everything that makes me happy. Too often I compromise myself for others and that stops now! fa real fa real
-NO MORE COMPLAINING it annoys me when I hear myself and it doesn't seem appealing to anyone else either so i'm done!
I think those are most important because those are what I remember and have in my mind so those are what REALLY count right...soooooo what are ur plans, goals, etc. for the new year??
P.S. are blogs starting to run together? is everyone writing about the same things?
But lets talk about resolutions: *note* this will be exactly like all the other posts you've seen on this topic pretty much including the share ur resolutions with me at the end*
Here goes my New Years Resolutions
-be positive! no matter what anything negative will be unknown and if it comes my way I will turn it into a positive
-focus on my wants, nothing else-this kinda ties in to being positive
-practice attraction-now since I read the secret I've been trying my best to do this and for the most part it's been working but I think I could meditate and focus on things more than I have so Ima try to devote myself to meditating at least once a day
-get a man! it's been too long dammit Ima be 20 and I REFUSE to go another year without a valentine
-be more social, maybe it's because I'm the only child or whatever so I don't mind being alone but honestly i don't think this much alone time is healthy I mean I need a real social life and I plan to get one!
-find my lifes purpose-this also goes with my focusing on what I want I mean I have 2.5 yrs. left of undergraduate approx. and it's about that time for me to know EXCTLY what I want to do the way I thought I did when I first got to college and decided to major in Bio.
-do what makes me happy-that means being HONEST with everyone no matter what, and enjoying only and everything that makes me happy. Too often I compromise myself for others and that stops now! fa real fa real
-NO MORE COMPLAINING it annoys me when I hear myself and it doesn't seem appealing to anyone else either so i'm done!
I think those are most important because those are what I remember and have in my mind so those are what REALLY count right...soooooo what are ur plans, goals, etc. for the new year??
P.S. are blogs starting to run together? is everyone writing about the same things?
Insomniaaa
bam bam beeda *singing to the disturbia beat* lol
so its close to 430 am and i'm still awake which is really no suprise..I slept all day and did nothing productive besides run to the store and cook rice. lol but why i can't sleep is 1.i'm afraid 2.i'm upset..
i'm afraid i will not be able to get a mate who will turn into my husband. because all men are gay!!! no not true! none of that but that all seems like it could be a reality. There's this man who dances and is quite entertaining on youtube-nv69 and well long story short he has a site and pictures of men [x-rated] and well i don't know who's gay or who's not on that list and more importantly in the world. well with so many people being on the downlow, undecided, and/or concealing their identity everyday for many reasons it's SCARY very! ugh...but i'm deleting this fear out of my mind because i'd hate to attract that fa real ....
so its close to 430 am and i'm still awake which is really no suprise..I slept all day and did nothing productive besides run to the store and cook rice. lol but why i can't sleep is 1.i'm afraid 2.i'm upset..
i'm afraid i will not be able to get a mate who will turn into my husband. because all men are gay!!! no not true! none of that but that all seems like it could be a reality. There's this man who dances and is quite entertaining on youtube-nv69 and well long story short he has a site and pictures of men [x-rated] and well i don't know who's gay or who's not on that list and more importantly in the world. well with so many people being on the downlow, undecided, and/or concealing their identity everyday for many reasons it's SCARY very! ugh...but i'm deleting this fear out of my mind because i'd hate to attract that fa real ....
irony..
I have 2 followers now big ups lol and I found a blog I thought had been deleted which makes me happy actually 2 sense the irony in all of this?? but yes moving right long I LOVE the feeling of being content and totally OVER something. don't u? but so I was catching up on what I missed in this newly re-found blog had some good laughs one of which i'll share l8r and also hella thoughts were in my head so before bed I find myself back here..
so Chelsea lately just cracks me up! the woman is hilarious I looooooove it! ha and "reality tv" just cracks me up! its so scripted which makes it funnier i just wish they would find a better category because we all know that's not REAL but in tv land I suppose that's as real as it gets right...hmm..Bromance. ok still waiting to form an opinion on the show I might have to watch the 1st episode again a few times and I just pray angela and vanessa don't dissapoint me!!! from their preview thingy 2nite I was ify but I have faith the actual show will be good!..
on to mix and match: I got to watch the amy winehouse THS and it was real short and I still wonder whether she's Armanian or not...she's hairy like a middle eastern but i'm hairy like a native american lmao so its all good phahahaha but so I get her now she reminds me of Brittany I mean the lady is a rebel with a cause she wants to live her life how she always has, she's been a drinker/smoker since her teen days I mean she grew up in LOndon or whatever so come on cut some slack...so some people are just talented they don't want fame it just kinda picks them up and whisks them away and they don't know about all that or too much care so they try to stay the way they are as much as possible and the damn media harps on them and makes shit seem like way more than what it is..boo to that so I get Amy and i hope she keep doin' her thang..friggin gas is back up! boo to that shit! =x in 2 seconds it'll be back up to over $2 per gallon which is really a lot now since we're all used to this under $2 spill grrrrr. kid cudi is awesome i love that day/night song-its catchy ima go find more of his music dudes funny too and gotdamn and i the only person who gets annoyed by loud and unexpected noises like music on ppls myspace page or fuckin' max. volume cell phone ringtones like wtf! how much of a headache is it to be with somebody and they phone goes off hella loud constantly with that same ass song givin' u a heart attack like ugh I always keep my phone on vibrate its courteous and respectful u should practice it! blah I keep thinkin bout my 1st year of college and how it was pretty awesome so much happened in that 1st yr. i broke ground and am now back at ground zero as far as guys go =/ gotta get back in touch with that girl...but so my bestfriend he is awesome i can talk to him about anything and he's pretty much awesome and i keep hoping to meet a guy just like him that i can date and marry because that would be the best shit in the world! yes..ima meditate on that. yep
ok lets sum this up and back track 2 paragraphs and a post but its amazing how looks fade when no personality is attached cute is all good but i need mind stimulation because looks don't last always no way so stop it or you'll end up with somebody just like u and love a miserable life =) and so speaking of hot guys i hate and love them they are great to look at but when the looks get old and nothing is left and they have no more to offer they are useless. but beauty is a state of mind anyhow-sex talks with mom help me figure out a lot lol. and i wrote something just a lil bit and im working on gettin some more out glad im making progress i wonder if i'll ever post my poetry on here where i can't control the viewers...
ok so goodnight funny
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lxkjoP3nNM
good laughs
so Chelsea lately just cracks me up! the woman is hilarious I looooooove it! ha and "reality tv" just cracks me up! its so scripted which makes it funnier i just wish they would find a better category because we all know that's not REAL but in tv land I suppose that's as real as it gets right...hmm..Bromance. ok still waiting to form an opinion on the show I might have to watch the 1st episode again a few times and I just pray angela and vanessa don't dissapoint me!!! from their preview thingy 2nite I was ify but I have faith the actual show will be good!..
on to mix and match: I got to watch the amy winehouse THS and it was real short and I still wonder whether she's Armanian or not...she's hairy like a middle eastern but i'm hairy like a native american lmao so its all good phahahaha but so I get her now she reminds me of Brittany I mean the lady is a rebel with a cause she wants to live her life how she always has, she's been a drinker/smoker since her teen days I mean she grew up in LOndon or whatever so come on cut some slack...so some people are just talented they don't want fame it just kinda picks them up and whisks them away and they don't know about all that or too much care so they try to stay the way they are as much as possible and the damn media harps on them and makes shit seem like way more than what it is..boo to that so I get Amy and i hope she keep doin' her thang..friggin gas is back up! boo to that shit! =x in 2 seconds it'll be back up to over $2 per gallon which is really a lot now since we're all used to this under $2 spill grrrrr. kid cudi is awesome i love that day/night song-its catchy ima go find more of his music dudes funny too and gotdamn and i the only person who gets annoyed by loud and unexpected noises like music on ppls myspace page or fuckin' max. volume cell phone ringtones like wtf! how much of a headache is it to be with somebody and they phone goes off hella loud constantly with that same ass song givin' u a heart attack like ugh I always keep my phone on vibrate its courteous and respectful u should practice it! blah I keep thinkin bout my 1st year of college and how it was pretty awesome so much happened in that 1st yr. i broke ground and am now back at ground zero as far as guys go =/ gotta get back in touch with that girl...but so my bestfriend he is awesome i can talk to him about anything and he's pretty much awesome and i keep hoping to meet a guy just like him that i can date and marry because that would be the best shit in the world! yes..ima meditate on that. yep
ok lets sum this up and back track 2 paragraphs and a post but its amazing how looks fade when no personality is attached cute is all good but i need mind stimulation because looks don't last always no way so stop it or you'll end up with somebody just like u and love a miserable life =) and so speaking of hot guys i hate and love them they are great to look at but when the looks get old and nothing is left and they have no more to offer they are useless. but beauty is a state of mind anyhow-sex talks with mom help me figure out a lot lol. and i wrote something just a lil bit and im working on gettin some more out glad im making progress i wonder if i'll ever post my poetry on here where i can't control the viewers...
ok so goodnight funny
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lxkjoP3nNM
good laughs
Monday
The City
it's pretty good I must say I'm excited for this season and i'm kinda happy to see how Whitney is fa real u know its crazy Lauren's just been overshdowed but i'm sure she'll make an appearence. Man so much had been on my mind and I want to write but haven't come up with the right words yet....ugh i'm trying to get mentally prepared for 2009 because most of my resolutions include getting my mind together...ohh ohh Whitney has inspired me to want to start sewing i've been debating for a while but I love dresses and hers are awesome i think it would be fun to make my own so i'll keep u updated. Now its the new year pretty much and i've been single for approx. 3 yrs. and i guess its time but you can't rush anything you know but I can attract and I guess that's all I can do but I'm super confused about the bf gf thing because it seems ppl are getting together and falling in love right away im a bit afraid of that becuse the idea seems crazy to me like i don't understand it but maybe because its been so long...but fa real love is something serious but heartbreak is something fatal you know. and maybe i'm trippin it my just look like love and ppl are using the word but it may not be love..does love happen tht fast? like relly i'm honestly perplexed i don't remember ever LOVING that fast...but maybe its just me..
whatever. but real chance of love I kind feel like they're both stupid especially Chance but I think he may just have A.D.D. and some kind of real mental disease or maturity issues clearly. I was so rooting for Rabbit she reminds me so much of myself! =D but his dumb ass but it's all good because he didn't deserve her so i guess I hope Risky and Corn fed wins =/ you know guys are so confusing!!! they say one thing and show another sooo then what? weird but i'm done worrying bout things I have no control over so Happy New Year and may it bring you everything you hope for, wish for, resolute, etc.
Peace
whatever. but real chance of love I kind feel like they're both stupid especially Chance but I think he may just have A.D.D. and some kind of real mental disease or maturity issues clearly. I was so rooting for Rabbit she reminds me so much of myself! =D but his dumb ass but it's all good because he didn't deserve her so i guess I hope Risky and Corn fed wins =/ you know guys are so confusing!!! they say one thing and show another sooo then what? weird but i'm done worrying bout things I have no control over so Happy New Year and may it bring you everything you hope for, wish for, resolute, etc.
Peace
Sunday
lazy lima bean
lol that's what my mom calls me in her jamaican accent...ha
so today on my blogging ventures I found a good amount of ppl with blogs that show their "vintage style" which further proved my point on yesterdays post about shit gettin played but it also made me think 1.i've never had a problem with 2nd hand clothes, i've always had an issue with no name brand clothess 2. i am going to become a faithful "vintage" shopper
now mostly because I m going to practice saving in '09 but trust I will still be enjoying my splurging as well but there's nothing like having something nobody else does or can get so therefore I'm fan. as far as clothing and all that goes I would love to graduate from sneakers to high heels and i don't see this being such a major and outrageous change because I believe I have my balance when it comes to classy and casual although i don't see myself anytime soon breaking up with sneaks. I mean i just don't but I am on a mission to add heels to my closet. Its funny I wanna be a model but hate the pain of heels and only on 2 pair! smh it'll work out though...but yes I'm anxious for my new myspace that is going to be dedicated to just the dedication of this blog! yay that settles it.
soooooooo I can't remember the last time I went shopping! how horrible. maybe around this time next year i'l be rolling in dough and have a closet for of clothes that would be ideal especially if i could achieve this dream before then..hmm gotta meditate and attract. have u read the secret? if not u should changed my life this summer. thanx mom =D ok so I have to work on new years! wtf?! well i have a call in but most likely but i mean just because i have no plans doesn't mean i want to spend tht day at work! that sucks! it mkes me loose all hope for change in the new year because that means basically I'm starting off the new year doing the same old thing =/ boo to that but ima just work on that ahead of time and see what happens. But yo I can't believe the new year is right here! I'm so crving gumbo but i'm too lazy to get up and make rice I need to really stop being so lazy and what's bad is it seems to just get worse as the years progress nooo. but i'm going to continue to slivate over the thought of gumbo on my tounge and hopefully get up and make some riceee
l8r kiddos
so today on my blogging ventures I found a good amount of ppl with blogs that show their "vintage style" which further proved my point on yesterdays post about shit gettin played but it also made me think 1.i've never had a problem with 2nd hand clothes, i've always had an issue with no name brand clothess 2. i am going to become a faithful "vintage" shopper
now mostly because I m going to practice saving in '09 but trust I will still be enjoying my splurging as well but there's nothing like having something nobody else does or can get so therefore I'm fan. as far as clothing and all that goes I would love to graduate from sneakers to high heels and i don't see this being such a major and outrageous change because I believe I have my balance when it comes to classy and casual although i don't see myself anytime soon breaking up with sneaks. I mean i just don't but I am on a mission to add heels to my closet. Its funny I wanna be a model but hate the pain of heels and only on 2 pair! smh it'll work out though...but yes I'm anxious for my new myspace that is going to be dedicated to just the dedication of this blog! yay that settles it.
soooooooo I can't remember the last time I went shopping! how horrible. maybe around this time next year i'l be rolling in dough and have a closet for of clothes that would be ideal especially if i could achieve this dream before then..hmm gotta meditate and attract. have u read the secret? if not u should changed my life this summer. thanx mom =D ok so I have to work on new years! wtf?! well i have a call in but most likely but i mean just because i have no plans doesn't mean i want to spend tht day at work! that sucks! it mkes me loose all hope for change in the new year because that means basically I'm starting off the new year doing the same old thing =/ boo to that but ima just work on that ahead of time and see what happens. But yo I can't believe the new year is right here! I'm so crving gumbo but i'm too lazy to get up and make rice I need to really stop being so lazy and what's bad is it seems to just get worse as the years progress nooo. but i'm going to continue to slivate over the thought of gumbo on my tounge and hopefully get up and make some riceee
l8r kiddos
sneeze, sniffle
yay! I have a followe which makes me soooooo happy! i don't think anyone followed my last blog besides my boo and if they did they didnt make themselves known =/ but yes Hey! lol
so its winter and i rarely get "sick" but i've had the sniffles twice this year, this month i believe but i've never experienced not being able to tatse my food but this morning I was eating a nice little breakfast and couldn't taste any of it! mainly because my nose is all stopped up and I had just read somewhere the other day something about our smell affects our taste and that's why we like things we eat or we don't the way it smells but if u can't smell u can't taste. weird! but mhmm I almost didn't post today but I was about to go to bed and couldn't without writing 1st...so this is nothing new but I continuously find a new blog everyday now some are hit and miss but for the most part i have a compiliation of blogspots in my favorites that i visit everyday but today I came across this one blog that is dedicated to HATING on Beyonce which I find insanely ridiculous! like I imagine some low self-esteem female the culprit. its just so disgusting! HATERS like the lengths they will go to...wow. and ok Myspace. I am getting tired of it and that's not even the word like its everything I hate x 10,000 its so FAKE and just plain stupid. I feel like everybody on myspace minus the artists and people like that have NO lives. every picture they have is photoshopped and retouched, everybody has the same quotes and headlines, everybody thinks they are the bombest of the bomb and feel they HAVE to let everyone know via myspace, people break-up over myspace, get their identitiy stolen on myspace its like all the worlds evils in one place ugh! how sickening and I don't think I can take it anymore I promise in '09 I am making a new myspace strictly dedicated to this blog because I'd love to have more readers and followers.....other than that FUCK myspace. I prefer facebook because majority of my friends on there I actually know and have talked to, sat in classroms with, partied with etc. like its not some wonderful world of make believe hollywood fairytale gone wrong type thing. but you know blogging is becoming the new phenom lately and that's annoying me to! like I just HATE when things become overrated and everybody jumps on the bandwagon its looses its sexy...lol
but positivity: I wrote out some goals but these are things I've been kinda slowly but surely making my way to working on but just needed a reason and time and things to put it in to play-blah cut the bull(I was waiting for this new year to come around just like everybody else so I could make changes in my life) but contradictory I don't understand at all why people wait until the new year to make changes like everyday brings new opportunity, change, and whatever else you want it to and that is why although I do make that list-actually I ussually don't and therefore I am constantly making changes whenever I find it neccesary. but I guess my point is don't worry so much about making some list of "goals" and whatnot that you're most likely not going to refer to nor stick to but rather just appreciate everyday and chnage what you can when you can. good enough?
i feel like I really need to move but not if out of California i mean maybe out of the US I wish we could really live on mars or something eventhough EVERYBODY would want to do it because Wayne said it ugh but like I seriously need to escape this I honestly can't handle this society and the way it works. its so like draining and uninspiring...originality doesn't exist anymore not spoken at least...the way people hate themselves and basically live to be anything but themselves really like kills my spirit and hurts my soul its just so sad and leaves me wondering and questioning. I guess its no wonder why I don't have tons of friends and things its hard to find like minded individuals, real ppl that I can be my real self around...smh *nobody understands my struggle*
"back then if you had a car, you was the chi-town version of Baby but I was just a virgin a baby..." Rob & Big are HILARIOUS!!! my kind of humor
so its winter and i rarely get "sick" but i've had the sniffles twice this year, this month i believe but i've never experienced not being able to tatse my food but this morning I was eating a nice little breakfast and couldn't taste any of it! mainly because my nose is all stopped up and I had just read somewhere the other day something about our smell affects our taste and that's why we like things we eat or we don't the way it smells but if u can't smell u can't taste. weird! but mhmm I almost didn't post today but I was about to go to bed and couldn't without writing 1st...so this is nothing new but I continuously find a new blog everyday now some are hit and miss but for the most part i have a compiliation of blogspots in my favorites that i visit everyday but today I came across this one blog that is dedicated to HATING on Beyonce which I find insanely ridiculous! like I imagine some low self-esteem female the culprit. its just so disgusting! HATERS like the lengths they will go to...wow. and ok Myspace. I am getting tired of it and that's not even the word like its everything I hate x 10,000 its so FAKE and just plain stupid. I feel like everybody on myspace minus the artists and people like that have NO lives. every picture they have is photoshopped and retouched, everybody has the same quotes and headlines, everybody thinks they are the bombest of the bomb and feel they HAVE to let everyone know via myspace, people break-up over myspace, get their identitiy stolen on myspace its like all the worlds evils in one place ugh! how sickening and I don't think I can take it anymore I promise in '09 I am making a new myspace strictly dedicated to this blog because I'd love to have more readers and followers.....other than that FUCK myspace. I prefer facebook because majority of my friends on there I actually know and have talked to, sat in classroms with, partied with etc. like its not some wonderful world of make believe hollywood fairytale gone wrong type thing. but you know blogging is becoming the new phenom lately and that's annoying me to! like I just HATE when things become overrated and everybody jumps on the bandwagon its looses its sexy...lol
but positivity: I wrote out some goals but these are things I've been kinda slowly but surely making my way to working on but just needed a reason and time and things to put it in to play-blah cut the bull(I was waiting for this new year to come around just like everybody else so I could make changes in my life) but contradictory I don't understand at all why people wait until the new year to make changes like everyday brings new opportunity, change, and whatever else you want it to and that is why although I do make that list-actually I ussually don't and therefore I am constantly making changes whenever I find it neccesary. but I guess my point is don't worry so much about making some list of "goals" and whatnot that you're most likely not going to refer to nor stick to but rather just appreciate everyday and chnage what you can when you can. good enough?
i feel like I really need to move but not if out of California i mean maybe out of the US I wish we could really live on mars or something eventhough EVERYBODY would want to do it because Wayne said it ugh but like I seriously need to escape this I honestly can't handle this society and the way it works. its so like draining and uninspiring...originality doesn't exist anymore not spoken at least...the way people hate themselves and basically live to be anything but themselves really like kills my spirit and hurts my soul its just so sad and leaves me wondering and questioning. I guess its no wonder why I don't have tons of friends and things its hard to find like minded individuals, real ppl that I can be my real self around...smh *nobody understands my struggle*
"back then if you had a car, you was the chi-town version of Baby but I was just a virgin a baby..." Rob & Big are HILARIOUS!!! my kind of humor
Saturday
Stella!?
so i'm watchn how Stella got her groove back and im pretty pissed because last night I was reading this article in Cosmo titled "A cougar stole my man" or somethn like that and well then i got Ashton and Demi on the mind and all this REcent cougar talk like its new and shit and nobody don't give props to Stella nobody give props to Terry the [man] is responsible for the cougar concept is the jest im getting and my mind floats back to 200? years ago and back to the present and maybe i'm thinkin too deeply about this but I just feel like [WE] started this shit...
on another note I am one creative ass mofo and intellectual if I must say the ideas that pop in my head and concepts behind them is crazy. Ima be big no matter what so don't sleep!
Peace
on another note I am one creative ass mofo and intellectual if I must say the ideas that pop in my head and concepts behind them is crazy. Ima be big no matter what so don't sleep!
Peace
Friday
time out!
ok so today wasn't my day it started off crazy and just went bizerk! But first hold the fuck up why some bitch come to my page today talkin' bout some shit "not to be rude but you stole my cousin on my top name - gucci && gold originality is dead isn't it its just myspace but that's low of you to do that" nowwwwwww wait a minute!!! I swear I sat in my mufuckin house and thought of my vintage gucci bag I gotz and my 14k name necklace and wala came up with the TM gucci && gold so what the fuck this bitch is talkin bout I have no idear. but that's not even what bothers me that's nothing that needs to be explained but what kills me is 1.the bitch myspace name is i got every reason to feel that im that bitch(but im the UNoriginal one...rite) 2. i don't know the bitch from who done it and why 3. i never been on her page as i recall until 2day AFTER i got this comment and i damn sho don't give 2 shits about whos on her top 4. who is her cousin? but ima just take this and use it as an advantage cause' all she really did was remind me it's about to '09 and its time to not only change my myspace name but page and hell i might even just delete my account on that whack ass shit
but fuck that ho she got enough play for the day. I ate goooooood yesterday mamas gumbo was the bomb I killed it I had been waitin the whole week for that I didn't even eat breakfast or lunch because all I wanted was gumbo lol so hope your Christmas was as good as mines =) man but I had that one day of peace today was just all kinds of crazy but whatever tomorrows another day. Ima start preparing for this book Ima write but can't give yall no names or nuffin cause' man can't trust nobody. ohh wee and Seven pounds. agh BOOOOOOOOMB! u gotta watch it, FREE doe like I did from the comfort of my couch via my laptop =) but after hearing all the reviews from ppl it made me cry, it was weird...I just HAD to watch it. && well I didn't cry and it wasn't weird it was just amazing GO SEE IT!!!! and Im just getting around to Commons' UMC album and niccccce I must say but I can tell it was produced by Pharell the beats give it all away.
But yea just had to fill yall in now that that's out of the way more gumbo please =D Holla!
but fuck that ho she got enough play for the day. I ate goooooood yesterday mamas gumbo was the bomb I killed it I had been waitin the whole week for that I didn't even eat breakfast or lunch because all I wanted was gumbo lol so hope your Christmas was as good as mines =) man but I had that one day of peace today was just all kinds of crazy but whatever tomorrows another day. Ima start preparing for this book Ima write but can't give yall no names or nuffin cause' man can't trust nobody. ohh wee and Seven pounds. agh BOOOOOOOOMB! u gotta watch it, FREE doe like I did from the comfort of my couch via my laptop =) but after hearing all the reviews from ppl it made me cry, it was weird...I just HAD to watch it. && well I didn't cry and it wasn't weird it was just amazing GO SEE IT!!!! and Im just getting around to Commons' UMC album and niccccce I must say but I can tell it was produced by Pharell the beats give it all away.
But yea just had to fill yall in now that that's out of the way more gumbo please =D Holla!
Tuesday
too much to ask?
I wonder who reads my blog. i have no followers, no pics of myself, maybe i just write for my health
but if u frequent this blog feel free to "follow me" or comment now and then
thanx
but if u frequent this blog feel free to "follow me" or comment now and then
thanx
sweet potato fries
lmao those are yummy! try trader joes or ur local grocery store
haha but these past few days have been busy, emotional, but overall not too bad. I think life is looking up and its official '09 is my year for big things. there's some things that i really been wantin to do for a while now and shit i'm tryna get my first HOUSE by 25 now is the time to start preparing ehh. yessir and about that damn word swag Ima just kick it "old school" and say people got style maybe on occasion pazazz lmao with emphasis and keep it plain simple and uh umm sophisticated holla. and so today at work saw a bunch of hotties some with mates some wit friends whatever but what cracked me up all day was the amount of black men that came in to my store with they other significant others now if u want an other then be my guest but truly want that like deep inside yo soul and stuff I don't want to see yo eyes peekin at my sexual chocolate rotl but u know what im sayin right? I still can't figure out why black men do that because 98% of them are not being true to themselves but i'm sooooo happy they doin' it so I know who not to look for-a dishonest, punk ass mufucka u know. But yea I know yall probably see that all the time too black men with women of other races and they be peekin and sneekin when they see a black woman because that's what they really want! ha
oh man and so I tried to be mean(which im not) to this gurl whos blog i read because she's just major contradictory and fat and cocky which pisses me off not to mention she has caught the eye of some eye candy and i'm single lol but that last point is beside the point but yea and i'm sorry but cockiness pisses me off!!! like major and so that's really why i wanted to write her but i didnt have the balls to write her personally on myspace ir reveal my blogspot on her comments and there was no anaonymous option and blah blah and basically the universe denied me so i had to be mad inside not out but i guess that's good cause karmas bad side is no good right....uh uh
it's funny as i'm writing i'm having hella extra side thoughts and i keep hearing waynes voice in my head lol...weird. ohh though i inally got tagged to do the random facts thing on fb so that was a yay, my damn F button on my laptop is trippin, Drakkkkkke this actor turned rapper guy-i guess, not too sure on details.....he has this awesome song and i'd like to share the lyrics from it that are me. completely
ok: I don’t have the heart to give these bitch niggas the cue to go
So they stick around kicking out feedback
and I entertain it as if I need that
hello! story of my lifffe it's wild and crazy i'll probably re-post these lyrics and go into great detail later but for now somethin to settle with..
more: ....you only lose when you fight back...24 hours from greatness—I’m that close
seriously my light is bright i know but am too humble to acknowledge my greatness but here goes thnx Drake =D
lastly: Don’t ever forget the moment you began to doubt
Transitioning from fittin’ in to standin’ out
Los Angeles cabanas or Atlanta south
...My mother ..She say I shouldn’t have it until I have the crown
but I don’t wanna feel the need to wear disguises around
So she wonder where my mind is, account’s in the minus..
now this juxtapose with a bit of true truth mhmm the mans sicccccck and say what's real is the realest shit i ever heard unlike jeezy and the realest shit he never wrote?
haha but these past few days have been busy, emotional, but overall not too bad. I think life is looking up and its official '09 is my year for big things. there's some things that i really been wantin to do for a while now and shit i'm tryna get my first HOUSE by 25 now is the time to start preparing ehh. yessir and about that damn word swag Ima just kick it "old school" and say people got style maybe on occasion pazazz lmao with emphasis and keep it plain simple and uh umm sophisticated holla. and so today at work saw a bunch of hotties some with mates some wit friends whatever but what cracked me up all day was the amount of black men that came in to my store with they other significant others now if u want an other then be my guest but truly want that like deep inside yo soul and stuff I don't want to see yo eyes peekin at my sexual chocolate rotl but u know what im sayin right? I still can't figure out why black men do that because 98% of them are not being true to themselves but i'm sooooo happy they doin' it so I know who not to look for-a dishonest, punk ass mufucka u know. But yea I know yall probably see that all the time too black men with women of other races and they be peekin and sneekin when they see a black woman because that's what they really want! ha
oh man and so I tried to be mean(which im not) to this gurl whos blog i read because she's just major contradictory and fat and cocky which pisses me off not to mention she has caught the eye of some eye candy and i'm single lol but that last point is beside the point but yea and i'm sorry but cockiness pisses me off!!! like major and so that's really why i wanted to write her but i didnt have the balls to write her personally on myspace ir reveal my blogspot on her comments and there was no anaonymous option and blah blah and basically the universe denied me so i had to be mad inside not out but i guess that's good cause karmas bad side is no good right....uh uh
it's funny as i'm writing i'm having hella extra side thoughts and i keep hearing waynes voice in my head lol...weird. ohh though i inally got tagged to do the random facts thing on fb so that was a yay, my damn F button on my laptop is trippin, Drakkkkkke this actor turned rapper guy-i guess, not too sure on details.....he has this awesome song and i'd like to share the lyrics from it that are me. completely
ok: I don’t have the heart to give these bitch niggas the cue to go
So they stick around kicking out feedback
and I entertain it as if I need that
hello! story of my lifffe it's wild and crazy i'll probably re-post these lyrics and go into great detail later but for now somethin to settle with..
more: ....you only lose when you fight back...24 hours from greatness—I’m that close
seriously my light is bright i know but am too humble to acknowledge my greatness but here goes thnx Drake =D
lastly: Don’t ever forget the moment you began to doubt
Transitioning from fittin’ in to standin’ out
Los Angeles cabanas or Atlanta south
...My mother ..She say I shouldn’t have it until I have the crown
but I don’t wanna feel the need to wear disguises around
So she wonder where my mind is, account’s in the minus..
now this juxtapose with a bit of true truth mhmm the mans sicccccck and say what's real is the realest shit i ever heard unlike jeezy and the realest shit he never wrote?
Sunday
the streets is talkin
So this morning I had a tearul yet rereshing phone talk with my mom, its not often I can just let loose with her. But yea.........and last night I was on myspace and some damn female totally took some shit i wrote and put it in her status and it pissed me of but then today I realized there will always be people who wish they were original or not there will always be people jockin others and that's the way it is kinda like hater niggas marry hater bitches and have hater kids the cycle applies but Ima just take that tyoe of petty nonsense as a compliment and keep it moving. Ima write down everything i'm grateful for and welcome '09 holla. I've been quite emotional lately and trying to embrace gratitude because honestly no matter how bad it is I believe it could always be worse. I tend to over stress but everybody knows how that is...But this is not what I wanted this whole post to be about so lets talk about what's new in the past few days.
I've been watching basketball lately which is cool and I see my ex-Carmel Anthony lmao has cut his braids and I don't approve its like nooooo he's the only man I gave the free pass to, to still be rocking braids in 2008. ugh. the dissapointment lol. and so Keyshia Cole that's my girl and I hate when people talk about her and I know I already went through this but I feel like unless your from Oakland like myself you have no right to pass judgement on her because to me that's disrespecting all of us-Oaklanders. so please shut up! && for the record I loved her look when she first came out and I wanted my hair like that I like her blonde and I like her black lol so let the woman just live her life damn!!!!(big repeat i know) last night I was watching Chelsea Lately and ludacris was on the show and he kept saying everythang was a beautiful thang lol and then I remember hearing him saying this phrase on some of his music and well Ludacris just thinks everything is beautiul...weird and random. al week I been on a mission to find a replacement for the word swag lol I saw this word dank which means high quality but that's not quite the right it but Im still thinkin and i'll let yall know asap.
I've been watching basketball lately which is cool and I see my ex-Carmel Anthony lmao has cut his braids and I don't approve its like nooooo he's the only man I gave the free pass to, to still be rocking braids in 2008. ugh. the dissapointment lol. and so Keyshia Cole that's my girl and I hate when people talk about her and I know I already went through this but I feel like unless your from Oakland like myself you have no right to pass judgement on her because to me that's disrespecting all of us-Oaklanders. so please shut up! && for the record I loved her look when she first came out and I wanted my hair like that I like her blonde and I like her black lol so let the woman just live her life damn!!!!(big repeat i know) last night I was watching Chelsea Lately and ludacris was on the show and he kept saying everythang was a beautiful thang lol and then I remember hearing him saying this phrase on some of his music and well Ludacris just thinks everything is beautiul...weird and random. al week I been on a mission to find a replacement for the word swag lol I saw this word dank which means high quality but that's not quite the right it but Im still thinkin and i'll let yall know asap.
Thursday
Hello World
First things first Baddest Bitch of the year award goes to: Rihanna!!!!! Of course! I mean she's new to the scene(sorta kinda) and everybody else done had they shine its HER time heyyyyy. I mean she really just did it this year to me she is fashion. Like I so wanna meet her stylist and talk business and if she happens to dress herself on occasion well I'd wanna just have a quick peek into her closet maybe do a little shopping lol but u must say her ugh hate to say it "swag" is on a 1,000,000,000,000 truly.(I promise I will find a better word) but yes congrats hunny u get my seal of approval. And NEXT did I mention I wanna be on that show? mhmm I might just really sign up too i'll let yall know the deal though as it happens but so is it just me or are more dudes on the low (clears throat-gay) like man if it's not one thing its another. This is no new thing but it just seems to be coming more popular! Nooooo the odds of me finding a decent black man are getting less and less-*sigh* what else is new? I get paid tomorrow!!! Boo my hrs. today got cut but I did have an interview elsewhere so hopefully I get that cause' I needs the cash flow somethin' serious but that's life..oh wait! Weezy chronicles is hilarious I watched the 1st one for like the 10th time last night and its still funny! hence the post title but yep check that out youtube it up baby
over and out
over and out
Wednesday
catch up
It's been a day or two and I been wanting to post but been a bit busy with it being finals week and all and I must say extra credit is a lifesaver! But so I had been waitng and waiting for Keyshia Cole and Jamie Foxx albums to come out and well for Keyshia the disappointment I gave it a . But I love my folks doe just expected more I guess and Jamie is still nice I love that man he fione not my #1 but he on my list doe...lol I gave it a 8. Oh man I don't know what i'm going to do in '09 because the year is coming to an end and people still on that same shit. Damn it gets harder and harder to find people I can relate with, on my level and whatnot dig me? Like am I the only one sick and tired of everybody tryna be somebody, the same somebody. Again, barbie, Kimora, Beyonce, Lisa Marie like come on! What's the deal I do not understand it like ok people may not like who they are but at least be original wit it why you wanna be the same somebody who's already somebody that everybody wanna be? it's stoopid and LAME!!!! and ok i'm not tryna knock nobody hustle at all but I think the fake asses and titties is gettin old too maybe it's because i'm a heterosexual woman so that doesn't interest me but some of these video hos and porn stars just take it too far they get these massive injections on a little frame and it looks herendous. boy oh boy hollywood and false dreams. tripppy. And so how about I was writing a paper and spelled English, inglish lmao. So maybe I've gotten a little too much into the cool kids and the funny thing is I'm into Mikey..ha
Something I really have a passion for and that everybody is claiming to be is a model. Like stop it! Just because you paid to have "professional" photos taken does not make you a model. You have to be in shape, have a flat stomach, and bone structure unless ur a plus size. But I know hellla people tryna be models and they would never make it fa real but because they do local runway shows for bootleg ass organizations they think they supermodel galore. Wrong! Like i'm not even gone play myslef like that I wana do runways in paris, new york shit I wanna model for Bebe fuck that baby play play stuff i'm not sellin myself short and until i'm paid for a shoot i'm not gone lie and front like i made it i'm a model! I hate it.
Something I really have a passion for and that everybody is claiming to be is a model. Like stop it! Just because you paid to have "professional" photos taken does not make you a model. You have to be in shape, have a flat stomach, and bone structure unless ur a plus size. But I know hellla people tryna be models and they would never make it fa real but because they do local runway shows for bootleg ass organizations they think they supermodel galore. Wrong! Like i'm not even gone play myslef like that I wana do runways in paris, new york shit I wanna model for Bebe fuck that baby play play stuff i'm not sellin myself short and until i'm paid for a shoot i'm not gone lie and front like i made it i'm a model! I hate it.
Tuesday
hello
so i figured it out, what i wanted to blog about earlier.
Gosh-darn it I can never get to be early like 10 or 11 like normal people do! it's getting a bit annoying because again i can't remember the last time I went to bed b4 2am ridiculous!!! and oh man I have this 5-6 page paper due this week it was actually due friday but procrastination has been kickin my ass somethin crucial this year I'm afraid to see what kind of foogazey junior year will bring along. Bah school sucks! Ohhk so Kanye the man kills. In my opinion I'm scared to say it aww what the heck he's the best rapper alive! Just agree to disagree for now and i'm not saying there aren't other best rappers alive but honsetly Wayne isn't one of them he's just mastered blending ignorance with intelligence because I believe the man is smart he's just so coked out! I swear if he was sober he'd tickle my intellect on some common bizness and he'd be the best underground rapper probably. ahh to complex i'll save it for later. moving on, don't you just HATE! people who love to hear the sound of their own voice so they're always loud and carrying on and just friggin tryin' to be heard every opportunity possible i know this man who sings way too much and I know it's because he loves to hear himself like ok he did sound good the 1st time or two but now it's just annoyng. ugh. Ok so last thing. 98% of the people in my life that I care about and love are in another state-outside of California. and this sucks!!! Like when I talk to my friends its all coo and stuff and those are the best convos. I have because clearly these people understand me and for many reasons but my boy bestfriends WE have the absolute best convos. like they could leave me on high for a week but their so few and far between NOW that it really sucks because I already don't get to see my loves but then we don't even talk that much. Boo I need a social life.
Blurp-Get ya nikons for the icon with the nikes on. Pure GENIUS!
P.S. Be thankful for what you got!!!! Though you may not drive a great big cadillac diamond in the back sunfroof top diggin' the scene with a gangsta lean-finish it...lol seriously though try that be thankful appreciate what you have right now and believe you'll get more good stuff. The secret.
Gosh-darn it I can never get to be early like 10 or 11 like normal people do! it's getting a bit annoying because again i can't remember the last time I went to bed b4 2am ridiculous!!! and oh man I have this 5-6 page paper due this week it was actually due friday but procrastination has been kickin my ass somethin crucial this year I'm afraid to see what kind of foogazey junior year will bring along. Bah school sucks! Ohhk so Kanye the man kills. In my opinion I'm scared to say it aww what the heck he's the best rapper alive! Just agree to disagree for now and i'm not saying there aren't other best rappers alive but honsetly Wayne isn't one of them he's just mastered blending ignorance with intelligence because I believe the man is smart he's just so coked out! I swear if he was sober he'd tickle my intellect on some common bizness and he'd be the best underground rapper probably. ahh to complex i'll save it for later. moving on, don't you just HATE! people who love to hear the sound of their own voice so they're always loud and carrying on and just friggin tryin' to be heard every opportunity possible i know this man who sings way too much and I know it's because he loves to hear himself like ok he did sound good the 1st time or two but now it's just annoyng. ugh. Ok so last thing. 98% of the people in my life that I care about and love are in another state-outside of California. and this sucks!!! Like when I talk to my friends its all coo and stuff and those are the best convos. I have because clearly these people understand me and for many reasons but my boy bestfriends WE have the absolute best convos. like they could leave me on high for a week but their so few and far between NOW that it really sucks because I already don't get to see my loves but then we don't even talk that much. Boo I need a social life.
Blurp-Get ya nikons for the icon with the nikes on. Pure GENIUS!
P.S. Be thankful for what you got!!!! Though you may not drive a great big cadillac diamond in the back sunfroof top diggin' the scene with a gangsta lean-finish it...lol seriously though try that be thankful appreciate what you have right now and believe you'll get more good stuff. The secret.
rant and rave
so i figured it out! I know exactly what I need to do now to get out of this situation i'm in and into the one i want to be in. It's funny i've always known to listen to my heart but to follow it...that's been a different story. Crayzy! Reality tv is quite entertaining. I can't stand Spencer and Heidi ugh! lol and soo I think I wanna move to AZ wish is extrememly ironic..long story. Real Chance of love is great! didn't think i'd like it this much I laughed when I found out they were gonna have a show it was a joke to me. But I swear Chance needs to lay off that green he done fried his damn brains out Real clearly makes the show ....and on that note I can't stand when ppl get high and shit because talking to them seems pointless and they get hella spacey....commercials are getting better too mostly because it's holiday time. Oh damn so I might soon be a McDonalds employee eek! Express just aint showin' enough love and I gotta do what I gotta do. Get some hustle in me. Ha
I can't quite remember what this post was supposed to be about so rather than continue on with the random thoughts in my mind i'll come back when I have something to say...I know life is about more than Friend Requests and photoshop pictures.
I can't quite remember what this post was supposed to be about so rather than continue on with the random thoughts in my mind i'll come back when I have something to say...I know life is about more than Friend Requests and photoshop pictures.
Monday
all tired out!
I'm tired really. Of school, bein' broke, stereotypes, assumptions, myspace, everybody TRYING to be different, everybody claiming to be barbie, lil wayne quotes, people bein' nosy, people who stare, people who be all in my mouth every time I talk, and the list continues....
Shit just gets old after a while I'm ready for the new year man, I want a new car, new do, new attitude. Hello '09...On the same note I see were going into the new year wit niggas still bein on weak shit talkin about bitches aint shit and girls aint shit but hos and tricks. Ok u faggot muthafuckas shove it! (damn that was harsh but how i feel) and don't get it twisted I'm talking specifically about niggas not all dudes or men-i guess that's another post though
Oh man I'm sick of everybody and this gucci craze like it just came out or somethin and most of it is knockoff. damn. I been knowin' this shit since I was in diapers smh
anywho that's just what's been on the top of the dome I'll holla.
Shit just gets old after a while I'm ready for the new year man, I want a new car, new do, new attitude. Hello '09...On the same note I see were going into the new year wit niggas still bein on weak shit talkin about bitches aint shit and girls aint shit but hos and tricks. Ok u faggot muthafuckas shove it! (damn that was harsh but how i feel) and don't get it twisted I'm talking specifically about niggas not all dudes or men-i guess that's another post though
Oh man I'm sick of everybody and this gucci craze like it just came out or somethin and most of it is knockoff. damn. I been knowin' this shit since I was in diapers smh
anywho that's just what's been on the top of the dome I'll holla.
Sunday
why not?
well everybody from the blogging world to facebook are sharing these random facts and things about themselves and although most of these ppl are tagged and "forced" to do it. I'm just doin' it because I want to...so here goes.
-I won my schools spelling bee when I was in 6th grade and although I was no akeelah I did make it to the 2nd round
-i get annoyed really easily like when people stare or walk too slow..
-i wish I could sing and I always sing when I'm home and tell people I can but once when I tried to record myself for youtube I was sadly slapped with the truth lmao
-i believe laughter is the best medicine but I've never been one to laugh so hard I cry, I never got..but when I laugh super hard i find it hard to breath lol
-I have an obsession with That's So Raven and I get mad when I miss it, I hate Cory in the House though.
-I think Stacy Dash is like the prettiest woman in the world and she seems to be the only one with access to the fountain of youth her beauty is ageless!
-I get extremely shy around guys it's really weird and I have NO game at all lmao
-I think deeply all the time and overanalyze things so when people talk to me I seem like I know what they're talking about but I really don't because I usually am in the midst of deep thought..it's quite hilarious
-i've always wanted to read the dictionary for fun but still have yet to do so.
-I steal ppls friends on myspace and facebook lol....
-i can't stand when people burp or fart. I know it's natural but I'd like to pretend that wasn't true. like seriously when people burp I throw-up a little in my mouth i find it one of the most disgusting things!
-I really wanna visit Japan. I tell people I'm mixed with japanese and they believe me.
-i'm scared to visit Africa
-I hate peas! I even pick them out of fried rice..
-I was once this girl named Lisa Marie exactly like Lil Waynes song. It was scary...no this is not weird
-I've always wanted to be on a reality show but can't really see myself actually being on one.
-I've always wanted braces! weird.
-I would dump a guy for having bad shoes and I would not date a guy who has busted kicks that's my numero uno turn-off. next is bad hygiene.
-I can not stand bad smells at all! Whenever I smell something funky I freak out and pretty much become obnoxious. I can not stand bad smells or too much of a good smell.
-I am seriously obsessed with fashion and I would love to be a stylist. I wish I had rihannas stylist and I am determined to find a guy who wears foxtails in their back pocket like Kanye on the awards.
well there's 20 random facts about me. Hope u enjoyed! Peace kiddies
-I won my schools spelling bee when I was in 6th grade and although I was no akeelah I did make it to the 2nd round
-i get annoyed really easily like when people stare or walk too slow..
-i wish I could sing and I always sing when I'm home and tell people I can but once when I tried to record myself for youtube I was sadly slapped with the truth lmao
-i believe laughter is the best medicine but I've never been one to laugh so hard I cry, I never got..but when I laugh super hard i find it hard to breath lol
-I have an obsession with That's So Raven and I get mad when I miss it, I hate Cory in the House though.
-I think Stacy Dash is like the prettiest woman in the world and she seems to be the only one with access to the fountain of youth her beauty is ageless!
-I get extremely shy around guys it's really weird and I have NO game at all lmao
-I think deeply all the time and overanalyze things so when people talk to me I seem like I know what they're talking about but I really don't because I usually am in the midst of deep thought..it's quite hilarious
-i've always wanted to read the dictionary for fun but still have yet to do so.
-I steal ppls friends on myspace and facebook lol....
-i can't stand when people burp or fart. I know it's natural but I'd like to pretend that wasn't true. like seriously when people burp I throw-up a little in my mouth i find it one of the most disgusting things!
-I really wanna visit Japan. I tell people I'm mixed with japanese and they believe me.
-i'm scared to visit Africa
-I hate peas! I even pick them out of fried rice..
-I was once this girl named Lisa Marie exactly like Lil Waynes song. It was scary...no this is not weird
-I've always wanted to be on a reality show but can't really see myself actually being on one.
-I've always wanted braces! weird.
-I would dump a guy for having bad shoes and I would not date a guy who has busted kicks that's my numero uno turn-off. next is bad hygiene.
-I can not stand bad smells at all! Whenever I smell something funky I freak out and pretty much become obnoxious. I can not stand bad smells or too much of a good smell.
-I am seriously obsessed with fashion and I would love to be a stylist. I wish I had rihannas stylist and I am determined to find a guy who wears foxtails in their back pocket like Kanye on the awards.
well there's 20 random facts about me. Hope u enjoyed! Peace kiddies
Saturday
Emo
so a friend of mines the other day made a comment about a person being emo and I haven't let the comment or the thought that followed thereafter go. By the way I need to ACCEPT things for what theyare and let go of some of my humbleness and maybe get more pride-sidenote something for me to actually relect on later. But back to the story and well I told someone they were emo the other day and then in the past couple of days since then I've been thinkin maybe I'm emo. But not in the same way as the mentioned above but in a way where it's not on purpose. I love meeting people and going out but don't for several reasons: money, it gets boring seeing the same people, parties always get shutdown, i'm not very social.......long story. But yea so that kinda makes me emo because most of the time i'm home or at work or school. and that's very emo like in my opinion. and I don't wanna embrace this its just that i've been trying to figure out exactly what this is, this state i'm in of lonliness but not on purpose. but either way I'm saying its Emo as of now....
&& then I always talk about how I love blogging and reading others blogs but today I must say I truly stumbled across the MOST interesting AND informative blog ever. http://thecomebackgirl.com/ Hello. check it out...note: I find myself to be very mature compared to many of my [peers] yet immature as well as naive in many ways. So I enjoy reading blogs like http://idkmynameismikki.wordpress.com/ because they help me. As a young woman growing and all that I need to read stuff like this so when I do get to experience it....ahh If you read you'll get it. But that also brings me to another point looking at these blogs and looking at mines you could tell that they are much more seasoned than myself but that's what I hope to be someday because although I want my blog to be entertaining, informative, and helpful I see it right now as really a place to just throw my thoughts out. Not so that I can reflect on them later but for other reasons(of which I have to really think about and post later) and also because I don't have a bedside journal this is just much more convenient.
Welcome to the mind of a genius.
&& then I always talk about how I love blogging and reading others blogs but today I must say I truly stumbled across the MOST interesting AND informative blog ever. http://thecomebackgirl.com/ Hello. check it out...note: I find myself to be very mature compared to many of my [peers] yet immature as well as naive in many ways. So I enjoy reading blogs like http://idkmynameismikki.wordpress.com/ because they help me. As a young woman growing and all that I need to read stuff like this so when I do get to experience it....ahh If you read you'll get it. But that also brings me to another point looking at these blogs and looking at mines you could tell that they are much more seasoned than myself but that's what I hope to be someday because although I want my blog to be entertaining, informative, and helpful I see it right now as really a place to just throw my thoughts out. Not so that I can reflect on them later but for other reasons(of which I have to really think about and post later) and also because I don't have a bedside journal this is just much more convenient.
Welcome to the mind of a genius.
on the brain..
sex. again! wtf? idk but lately man...but i been thinkin and stuff i would so screw jamie foxx and david beckham(twice) if i could like for an old man jamie kills oh man but not like Pharell!!! orgasmic! right and you can't say for a white boy David aint the business and him and Posh TOGETHER is just sickening that's too much at once right.? and im guessing me reading Cosmo don't make it no better lol
ok and just this once NO HOMO but the Victoria Secret models are sexy bitches! i'd tap rotf. haha no too far but mhmm and then there's Rihnanna now i'm done talking about sex but I wish I could have her stylist for just a day she put shit on and just kills she even makes jean jackets look COOL and I mean i'm wit da old school fashion and whatnot but the jean jackets i can't get in but she changes all that ima find the pic. i'm talkin' about and post it later. lemme see what else is new. oh ok fa real this is it but I found out that this time of the year people tend to be more sexually aroused and all that business so that explains things....
Life is pretty boring I can't wait for the new year!!!! ahh...blogidyblah get out my face!! yah!
ok and just this once NO HOMO but the Victoria Secret models are sexy bitches! i'd tap rotf. haha no too far but mhmm and then there's Rihnanna now i'm done talking about sex but I wish I could have her stylist for just a day she put shit on and just kills she even makes jean jackets look COOL and I mean i'm wit da old school fashion and whatnot but the jean jackets i can't get in but she changes all that ima find the pic. i'm talkin' about and post it later. lemme see what else is new. oh ok fa real this is it but I found out that this time of the year people tend to be more sexually aroused and all that business so that explains things....
Life is pretty boring I can't wait for the new year!!!! ahh...blogidyblah get out my face!! yah!
Friday
I'm 1st!!!
yep I get to say it first M.I.A.s new clothing line is bomb!!! while everybody is just catchn on to Married to the Mob and rantin' and ravin' about Hellz new '08 line I'm on that Okley tip. get in! And mark this date on ur calendars and remember Ms. 2farahead said it kids. This is EXACTLY what i'm talkin' about. Ketchup-catch up!
&& i'm richer than all yall I got a bank full of pride.
&& i'm richer than all yall I got a bank full of pride.
My addiction...
Oh man I am like obsessed with southern accents! It's something about the south I tell u I can't wait to get back down there! I swear I know I said it once but my husband will be from the south somewhere i might even move down there and i'm considering going to grad. school down there =D the only thing I hate is the shopping and how they kinda slow but the south pops nevertheless. gawsssssssssh! I am feenin for head! weird. like I've been horny for the past 2 days...TMI i know but hey.
On another note I am so sick of seein those jeans wit no pockets in the back! they're so ugly!!! && mexican like I always just think of a mexican person when i see ppl with those on and maybe mexicans should be the only people to wear them. and u know this may sound a bit racist and i been thinkin lately i may be abit racist. like not hella deeply and shit it's just i hate when foreigners who weren't born in the US come over here and act like they're better and be hella rude and shit because many times what we see as respect or disrespect out here they don't see it the same way and cultural barriers force me to have a strong dislike towards foreigners. but i'm not racist in a way where i hate ppl because of their skin color...hell idk i'm working on it but i swear everyday i encounter one of these rude type of people man.
i need dick!!! rawr!
On another note I am so sick of seein those jeans wit no pockets in the back! they're so ugly!!! && mexican like I always just think of a mexican person when i see ppl with those on and maybe mexicans should be the only people to wear them. and u know this may sound a bit racist and i been thinkin lately i may be abit racist. like not hella deeply and shit it's just i hate when foreigners who weren't born in the US come over here and act like they're better and be hella rude and shit because many times what we see as respect or disrespect out here they don't see it the same way and cultural barriers force me to have a strong dislike towards foreigners. but i'm not racist in a way where i hate ppl because of their skin color...hell idk i'm working on it but i swear everyday i encounter one of these rude type of people man.
i need dick!!! rawr!
Wednesday
hello again..
last night I had a dream and I was talking to some guy about this companionship I want but I couldn't see his face and I don't think he was the one but I wonder if who we were talking about was...it makes me think I'm getting closer to my dreams. literally
I need to find new openers because I seem to always say something like so..or ugh...whenever i start a post and i even had to stop myself today.lol
facebook, myspace, same stufff. but what's on my mind is Kanye && Common. I feel like Kanye is a truly misunderstood guy kinda like Brittany u knw but I feel like I truly understand these ppl I get it. famous ppl are human beings just like us they have flaws and aren't perfect and everybody and their notions on Kanye being all cocky and stuff just keep it. I'm sick of hearing ppl and their opinions about the guy because none of us have personally met the man so nobody reaaaaaaaly knows but I feel like the judgements ppl are passing are just so far off. But I want somebody like him who wears plaid shirts and foxtails in their back pockets shits ill. I commend and completely respect the man. Oh and I can't wait until his next concert I wanna hear Pinocchio story live! ugh. && Common! he's been on EVERYBODYS blog lately except mines...besides now but yes my moms been the one to like bald guys but I must admit Common can get it wit his bald self I've loved him since I first seen him, I think on that Erykah Badu video I thought they were Kayoute! together what happened??? she's a fuckn baby maker lol
But on another note. I've been taking in some deep stuff lately. Knowledge is the best high!!! I swear. But what I want to put out there is in '09 I pray hope wish all that. that the word swag dies, the high-waist trend DIES it's played may be new to you but OLLLLLLD to me. remember when H&M first hit Cali.? well yea., I hope people don't continue to claim to be Barbie or Wayne or anything they're not '09 should be the year to be you. Each year should have a them and then go away when that year ends...just a thought.
Lastly I do love blogging. Everyday I find a new, funny and interesting blog which I love!!! Spaghetti tonight?? I think so.
I need to find new openers because I seem to always say something like so..or ugh...whenever i start a post and i even had to stop myself today.lol
facebook, myspace, same stufff. but what's on my mind is Kanye && Common. I feel like Kanye is a truly misunderstood guy kinda like Brittany u knw but I feel like I truly understand these ppl I get it. famous ppl are human beings just like us they have flaws and aren't perfect and everybody and their notions on Kanye being all cocky and stuff just keep it. I'm sick of hearing ppl and their opinions about the guy because none of us have personally met the man so nobody reaaaaaaaly knows but I feel like the judgements ppl are passing are just so far off. But I want somebody like him who wears plaid shirts and foxtails in their back pockets shits ill. I commend and completely respect the man. Oh and I can't wait until his next concert I wanna hear Pinocchio story live! ugh. && Common! he's been on EVERYBODYS blog lately except mines...besides now but yes my moms been the one to like bald guys but I must admit Common can get it wit his bald self I've loved him since I first seen him, I think on that Erykah Badu video I thought they were Kayoute! together what happened??? she's a fuckn baby maker lol
But on another note. I've been taking in some deep stuff lately. Knowledge is the best high!!! I swear. But what I want to put out there is in '09 I pray hope wish all that. that the word swag dies, the high-waist trend DIES it's played may be new to you but OLLLLLLD to me. remember when H&M first hit Cali.? well yea., I hope people don't continue to claim to be Barbie or Wayne or anything they're not '09 should be the year to be you. Each year should have a them and then go away when that year ends...just a thought.
Lastly I do love blogging. Everyday I find a new, funny and interesting blog which I love!!! Spaghetti tonight?? I think so.
Monday
Help me!!!
Ugh so I have trust issues! I always have but now they're worse!
I used to only not trust guys(long story) but now it's gettng to the point where i don't trust anybody mom, "friends", nobody except ppl and those are my best friends. but like i try and monitor what i say to ppl even "friends" outside of my besties because I just don't trust them!!! and you know what's funny is i trust strangers more than the ppl i actually know-meaning i don't mind strangers knowing my thoughts and business and stuff because they don't know me but ppl that i know I hate it if they read my blog because I don't trust them! I don't want them knowing all my stuff because who know who they will tell or what they will do with my biz. it's frustrating! like certain ppl i only wnat them to know certain things because it's not safe when ppl know more about u than u do them u know especially fake ass mofos and its harder to spot those kind know a days or maybe its me and i'm just naive....or not. but the point is i need to get over these trust issues but i can't and actually would rather not because when u let ppl in the wrong ppl they will fuck u over. not that i've been fucked over...but i did come pretty close but i am blessed! to powerful for that but yes hellllp!
oh and then there's this damn procrastination/critical thinking issue i have and actually tons of ppl have the critical thinking issue and don't even know but me i know now and i wanna fix it as well as this procrastination shit! like it's getting real bad...therapy??.....
I used to only not trust guys(long story) but now it's gettng to the point where i don't trust anybody mom, "friends", nobody except ppl and those are my best friends. but like i try and monitor what i say to ppl even "friends" outside of my besties because I just don't trust them!!! and you know what's funny is i trust strangers more than the ppl i actually know-meaning i don't mind strangers knowing my thoughts and business and stuff because they don't know me but ppl that i know I hate it if they read my blog because I don't trust them! I don't want them knowing all my stuff because who know who they will tell or what they will do with my biz. it's frustrating! like certain ppl i only wnat them to know certain things because it's not safe when ppl know more about u than u do them u know especially fake ass mofos and its harder to spot those kind know a days or maybe its me and i'm just naive....or not. but the point is i need to get over these trust issues but i can't and actually would rather not because when u let ppl in the wrong ppl they will fuck u over. not that i've been fucked over...but i did come pretty close but i am blessed! to powerful for that but yes hellllp!
oh and then there's this damn procrastination/critical thinking issue i have and actually tons of ppl have the critical thinking issue and don't even know but me i know now and i wanna fix it as well as this procrastination shit! like it's getting real bad...therapy??.....
Sunday
Oh shit!
so i'm watching Bring it on again and i swear this is one racist ass super stereotypical ass movie but for some reason i'm still watching....but nthn better is on...
but as always a bunch of stuff has been on my mind. lil wayne, money, and much more but the most pressing issue is my social life. I don't have one! it's sad and pretty ridiculous and there's no excuse really. i mean i'm pretty, nice, down to earth...why wouldn't people want to be my friend. well for one I'm not social enough I am not involved in anything! I was running but gave up on it kinda and so now all i do is work and go to school. and i get out by 10 on some days and 115 on the others. after that i come home and take a nap or watch tv and get on the cp then take a nap and do hw sometimes and work occasionally and I didn't think anything of it I enjoy it but I was reading some blogs today and stumbled upon this new site [twitter] it's like a facebook but a bit diff. and i contemplated joining but then thought of how much time that would take out of my life on top of all the time i spend on facebook and myspace and this here blog and i said to myself wtf! I need to get a life! I friggin get on myspace and look at who's online and read all my friends statuses on facebook that's like some true loser shit and i know if i was involved in activities i wouldn't have time to do that and i wouldn't mind. i'm on facebook and myspace everyday! it's not as cool as it seems and i blog and i read other peoples blogs and they update everyday and they have no life either but i'm getting bored with having no life idk about anybody else so yea I need to get out more ind shit to do seriously and trust i plan on it in this upcoming year and hopefully and sry to whoever reads this but i won't have time to blog and ppl will actually have the chance to miss me on facebook and stuff lol
ok so this whole post isnt just supposed to be about my lack of social life but so lil wayne you know the guy kills me I mean for a sec. i was all for him but then i realized he is ignorant! like tough and ppl idolize and quote the man like it's goin out of style! but some shit he says is just ridiculous like the whole shit about women don't like to be called bitch but a bitch is a dog and a dog is a mans bestfriend. wtf! so that makes u calling her a bitch alright? NO like and i'm still supposed to respect him and i hate how he started this whole no homo shit like honsetly if you're COMFORTABLE in ur sexuality there's no need to say it i mean to me ur homo if u say that shit and it makes no sense because before u started sayin no homo people would say shit that sounded "gay" or what the fuck and so were they gay then and now because they say no homo it excuses it? think about it really it's all stupid though.
and school it gets to be boring after a while i mean i can never get tired of learning new things but i get sick of taking tests and having to study and not doing it because i don't want to and barely passinf because i thin tests are stupid and never study and i hate that i've been brainwashed to believe i can't roll in dough unless i have a degree which isn't true but once u keep hearing something u start to believe it and talking about what to believe u know that quote believe half of what u see and none of what u hear well it makes me think because I have a issue trusting people but i guess that's another post..oh and today i figured something out I believe my soulmate is a guy from california but most likely my husband will be from the south. it's somethin' about those southern guys I can't get enough of! ha
P.S. sry for the longwindedness but i had a lot to say. that's what happens when u don't post when u first think about something =/ ehh whatev.
but as always a bunch of stuff has been on my mind. lil wayne, money, and much more but the most pressing issue is my social life. I don't have one! it's sad and pretty ridiculous and there's no excuse really. i mean i'm pretty, nice, down to earth...why wouldn't people want to be my friend. well for one I'm not social enough I am not involved in anything! I was running but gave up on it kinda and so now all i do is work and go to school. and i get out by 10 on some days and 115 on the others. after that i come home and take a nap or watch tv and get on the cp then take a nap and do hw sometimes and work occasionally and I didn't think anything of it I enjoy it but I was reading some blogs today and stumbled upon this new site [twitter] it's like a facebook but a bit diff. and i contemplated joining but then thought of how much time that would take out of my life on top of all the time i spend on facebook and myspace and this here blog and i said to myself wtf! I need to get a life! I friggin get on myspace and look at who's online and read all my friends statuses on facebook that's like some true loser shit and i know if i was involved in activities i wouldn't have time to do that and i wouldn't mind. i'm on facebook and myspace everyday! it's not as cool as it seems and i blog and i read other peoples blogs and they update everyday and they have no life either but i'm getting bored with having no life idk about anybody else so yea I need to get out more ind shit to do seriously and trust i plan on it in this upcoming year and hopefully and sry to whoever reads this but i won't have time to blog and ppl will actually have the chance to miss me on facebook and stuff lol
ok so this whole post isnt just supposed to be about my lack of social life but so lil wayne you know the guy kills me I mean for a sec. i was all for him but then i realized he is ignorant! like tough and ppl idolize and quote the man like it's goin out of style! but some shit he says is just ridiculous like the whole shit about women don't like to be called bitch but a bitch is a dog and a dog is a mans bestfriend. wtf! so that makes u calling her a bitch alright? NO like and i'm still supposed to respect him and i hate how he started this whole no homo shit like honsetly if you're COMFORTABLE in ur sexuality there's no need to say it i mean to me ur homo if u say that shit and it makes no sense because before u started sayin no homo people would say shit that sounded "gay" or what the fuck and so were they gay then and now because they say no homo it excuses it? think about it really it's all stupid though.
and school it gets to be boring after a while i mean i can never get tired of learning new things but i get sick of taking tests and having to study and not doing it because i don't want to and barely passinf because i thin tests are stupid and never study and i hate that i've been brainwashed to believe i can't roll in dough unless i have a degree which isn't true but once u keep hearing something u start to believe it and talking about what to believe u know that quote believe half of what u see and none of what u hear well it makes me think because I have a issue trusting people but i guess that's another post..oh and today i figured something out I believe my soulmate is a guy from california but most likely my husband will be from the south. it's somethin' about those southern guys I can't get enough of! ha
P.S. sry for the longwindedness but i had a lot to say. that's what happens when u don't post when u first think about something =/ ehh whatev.
state of discomfort
Man I feel so unsettled right now mostly because of my mom. She always leaves me feeling that way after I see her now that I don't live with her...like for some reason since I can remember everytime I see my mom when I haven't for a while I get nervous and giddy and begin to feel like I'm around 8 yrs. Old or smthng but the problem is. Now I'm 19 and as of yesterday exactly 2 months away from 20...and it pisses me off but of course I can't help but love my mom you know and I think its normal to always feel that "kid again" comfort with ur mom but the aftertaste is just so horrible seriously. She's negative and ALWAYS taking me to a place I don't want to be mentally because she LIVES in the past and when you do that you never progress. Sadly and I want bad to help my mom but I can't and it hurts almost because she brings me down which holds me back and I can't have that. So I keep getting to this place where I'm torn do I keep her in my life or let her go so I can continue to grow not take a leap and then take a step back because that is so what my life is like with her but most of the problem is me allowing her to do this and by keeping her in my life I am but its hard as hell to let go of someone that's always been in ur life good or bad u know and she's a mix of both which keeps me in the indecisive state as well and this shits pretty shitty hell. I feel like crying because it hurts it really does. And I thought moving out would make it better and it has and no matter how hard I struggle I will not go back it won't benefit me in any way but financially and although money is a major factor its a minor factor when it comes to me as a whole and my growth and well being. Only person that can make this better now is my godmom..
something to talk about
thought and found it...
you know blogging has become a phenom serious...so many alike though so I decided I like my blog whether others do or not because I know one thing mines isn't like the ones I read at least I don't think. ima read my own shit and see...but that's not what i wanted to talk about. so u know how u can't see me unless ur my facebook friend u don't know who i am...and even then unless we went to school together same case. but i'm so torn i wan't to blog love it but i can't reveal my identity all out. trust, and people are out to get me any way they can. fucked up. right...but so does that make it more interesting? make u wonder huh? and it's like well what do u think of somebody u can't see so i'm trying to figure out a way to reveal my identity without anybody knowing it's me...
isn't it funny how u hear ur thoughts in ur mind but they come out diff. i will just stop over-analyzing geez.
you know blogging has become a phenom serious...so many alike though so I decided I like my blog whether others do or not because I know one thing mines isn't like the ones I read at least I don't think. ima read my own shit and see...but that's not what i wanted to talk about. so u know how u can't see me unless ur my facebook friend u don't know who i am...and even then unless we went to school together same case. but i'm so torn i wan't to blog love it but i can't reveal my identity all out. trust, and people are out to get me any way they can. fucked up. right...but so does that make it more interesting? make u wonder huh? and it's like well what do u think of somebody u can't see so i'm trying to figure out a way to reveal my identity without anybody knowing it's me...
isn't it funny how u hear ur thoughts in ur mind but they come out diff. i will just stop over-analyzing geez.
boogidy blah?
idk first thing that came to mind.
so this isn't how I planned it note: i already told u guys how i like to plan stuff out but ugh I had to write smthn cause' I just read this funny ass blog and it was interesting as well and hella shit was goinn thru my mind like how I was supposed to read the dictionary for fun but never got around to it and don't know why but most importantly I was thinking about my blog and how it compares to others..like sometimes i wish ppl would comment me but then i don't really care it's just a place for me to get my thoughts out really and entertain others i guess but like the blogs I read seem so interesting and all organized and stuff and the way i see it my blog is just a bunch of mumbo jumbo or whatnot like i really just write all the random stuff in my head well most of the time sometimes it's thought out and stuff...ehh. and so at some point in my life i felt as though i wasn't black enuff..lol whaa??? and i've been doin' really weird stuff on the cp like writing ehh? and whaa? who did i get that from?! eww! poetry. i think it's the best thing i do. but shit let me stop because this is probably getting out of hand seeing as though i am really writing off the top no main point exact story nthn just random thoughts. just me...?
P.S. sry for the txt talk and wrong word spelling just happened...
so this isn't how I planned it note: i already told u guys how i like to plan stuff out but ugh I had to write smthn cause' I just read this funny ass blog and it was interesting as well and hella shit was goinn thru my mind like how I was supposed to read the dictionary for fun but never got around to it and don't know why but most importantly I was thinking about my blog and how it compares to others..like sometimes i wish ppl would comment me but then i don't really care it's just a place for me to get my thoughts out really and entertain others i guess but like the blogs I read seem so interesting and all organized and stuff and the way i see it my blog is just a bunch of mumbo jumbo or whatnot like i really just write all the random stuff in my head well most of the time sometimes it's thought out and stuff...ehh. and so at some point in my life i felt as though i wasn't black enuff..lol whaa??? and i've been doin' really weird stuff on the cp like writing ehh? and whaa? who did i get that from?! eww! poetry. i think it's the best thing i do. but shit let me stop because this is probably getting out of hand seeing as though i am really writing off the top no main point exact story nthn just random thoughts. just me...?
P.S. sry for the txt talk and wrong word spelling just happened...
Friday
Life is...
like a fairytale. full of good and bad princesses and evil villians and it's up to YOU to create your happy ending...
ugh. and other times life is blah. the same shit different day...my life is pretty boring right now and I know it is about that time to broaden my social circle well with my 2 best friends being in diff. states and many other reasons it's just about that time. I have so many goals and changes to make in the new year and I mean I don't neccessarily feel that I have to wait but I'm funny like that and I like to plan stuff out dates and all....ehh. but Man seriously I been sleepin just so much because I get out of school early and I've been having NO hrs. at work =/ it fuckn suxz. I don't go out on the weekends because I have nobody to go out with AND no money which suxz too. I don't know how to budget but i'm trying to learn and with that comes sacrifice! I'm like hella smart and think alot duh and I tend to be passionate about helping others I'm like a hella caring person overall and I just wish I was superwoman and could save the whole world...it's hard to explain but yea and I don't exactly have to jump at every opportunity to do so I guess because I mean that's kind of taking away peoples rights like I dunno but basically what I am understanding more and more and more each day is the fact that a person will change when they want to which may be never and they will ask for help when they are ready to make that change...and see I'm not trying to change anybody I just want people to "lift the veil" ignorance is killing us. ALL of us black white etc. and it kills me inside but I just can accept things as they are, things I cannot change and get on...
Man I also am learning to follow my heart. Seriously it lets you know what's good or bad right or wrong. Don't ignore it or go against it. Ahh I just really needed to talk, to write. sry for the randomness...
ugh. and other times life is blah. the same shit different day...my life is pretty boring right now and I know it is about that time to broaden my social circle well with my 2 best friends being in diff. states and many other reasons it's just about that time. I have so many goals and changes to make in the new year and I mean I don't neccessarily feel that I have to wait but I'm funny like that and I like to plan stuff out dates and all....ehh. but Man seriously I been sleepin just so much because I get out of school early and I've been having NO hrs. at work =/ it fuckn suxz. I don't go out on the weekends because I have nobody to go out with AND no money which suxz too. I don't know how to budget but i'm trying to learn and with that comes sacrifice! I'm like hella smart and think alot duh and I tend to be passionate about helping others I'm like a hella caring person overall and I just wish I was superwoman and could save the whole world...it's hard to explain but yea and I don't exactly have to jump at every opportunity to do so I guess because I mean that's kind of taking away peoples rights like I dunno but basically what I am understanding more and more and more each day is the fact that a person will change when they want to which may be never and they will ask for help when they are ready to make that change...and see I'm not trying to change anybody I just want people to "lift the veil" ignorance is killing us. ALL of us black white etc. and it kills me inside but I just can accept things as they are, things I cannot change and get on...
Man I also am learning to follow my heart. Seriously it lets you know what's good or bad right or wrong. Don't ignore it or go against it. Ahh I just really needed to talk, to write. sry for the randomness...
Wednesday
sleep much?
well i ususally stay up later than i would like because my mind keeps goin and goin and so last night I had some really interesting and deep juicy thoughts about relationships...not so new
but these philosophies were. I got to thinking about my next romantic encounter and what do I really want? a committed relationship, boyfriend, companionship what?
well I do want a boyfriend but what I want more is companionship. The titles boyfriend and girlfriend really don't hold that much weight. HUSBAND, WIFE those are what matter. I want to someday be someones WIFE but until then I really just want companionship I want to have relations with a man whos company I enjoy who I have an acceptance for and vice versa a nice good looking, good dressing, good smelling man. lol seriously though like I just kinda daydream about meeting someone who I have a great connection with but it's not a marriage type super exclusive thing. Now don't jump around and conclude and stuff. Cheating and things are unacceptable but that's my point if you don't treat relationships as marriages then those things aren't something to worry about. Ehh lemme explain. I want to be with someone but I don't want it to be an i own you you own me type of thing just a relaxed relationship. I don't want to get LOVE involved I think I should save that for the man I am to marry as well as serious affection. Hugs and kisses and all that are nice but those things seem to distract the deeper connection. many relationships start off physical. wrong. I want to almost test and see how long a relationship can last if it is primarily mental and "spiritual." I want to see how deep love can really get and be like, you know when people are married and they don't have to always say I love you because they just know. I want it to be like that almost, an experience if you will. Wonderful blissful amazing unlike any other. You may or may not get what i'm saying but hopefully you feel it..
Blah.
but these philosophies were. I got to thinking about my next romantic encounter and what do I really want? a committed relationship, boyfriend, companionship what?
well I do want a boyfriend but what I want more is companionship. The titles boyfriend and girlfriend really don't hold that much weight. HUSBAND, WIFE those are what matter. I want to someday be someones WIFE but until then I really just want companionship I want to have relations with a man whos company I enjoy who I have an acceptance for and vice versa a nice good looking, good dressing, good smelling man. lol seriously though like I just kinda daydream about meeting someone who I have a great connection with but it's not a marriage type super exclusive thing. Now don't jump around and conclude and stuff. Cheating and things are unacceptable but that's my point if you don't treat relationships as marriages then those things aren't something to worry about. Ehh lemme explain. I want to be with someone but I don't want it to be an i own you you own me type of thing just a relaxed relationship. I don't want to get LOVE involved I think I should save that for the man I am to marry as well as serious affection. Hugs and kisses and all that are nice but those things seem to distract the deeper connection. many relationships start off physical. wrong. I want to almost test and see how long a relationship can last if it is primarily mental and "spiritual." I want to see how deep love can really get and be like, you know when people are married and they don't have to always say I love you because they just know. I want it to be like that almost, an experience if you will. Wonderful blissful amazing unlike any other. You may or may not get what i'm saying but hopefully you feel it..
Blah.
keep your friends close and your enemies closer
I never got that saying and I still don't. guess i still got more to learn...
but I do believe that things uneccesary in your life have no place there and shouldn't remain. this goes for people as well. So today I did some facebook cleaning since that is the site i'm on most and update the most...but besides that there were some people on my friends list who were there and didn't deserve to be any longer. You know trust is a big thing and some I couldn't trust I felt they only were my "facebook friend" because that way they get a peek into my life. but when i see them they never speak or we never spoke when we did go to school together or whatever the case. But yep so I did it and there were more people I wanted to delete but most of them were people I once had a serious connection with mostly friendship wise and so i was apprehensive when clicking the delete button and erasing them out of my lives so they still remain and we'll see how i feel in a couple of months. Oh and I deleted that boy! and it feels good.
My point is people only do what you allow them to so if you allow people to be in your life and they don't deserve to be you are allowing them to bring you down and also in this case for me i was allowing these people to inflict on my morals and values which is never good. so they had to go!
buh-bye =D
but I do believe that things uneccesary in your life have no place there and shouldn't remain. this goes for people as well. So today I did some facebook cleaning since that is the site i'm on most and update the most...but besides that there were some people on my friends list who were there and didn't deserve to be any longer. You know trust is a big thing and some I couldn't trust I felt they only were my "facebook friend" because that way they get a peek into my life. but when i see them they never speak or we never spoke when we did go to school together or whatever the case. But yep so I did it and there were more people I wanted to delete but most of them were people I once had a serious connection with mostly friendship wise and so i was apprehensive when clicking the delete button and erasing them out of my lives so they still remain and we'll see how i feel in a couple of months. Oh and I deleted that boy! and it feels good.
My point is people only do what you allow them to so if you allow people to be in your life and they don't deserve to be you are allowing them to bring you down and also in this case for me i was allowing these people to inflict on my morals and values which is never good. so they had to go!
buh-bye =D
Tuesday
612s
current cali. time, cool song/rap
shit man Beyonce, swagger, naps!...
ugh it's all a mess! Everbody quotin Beyonce and I can't judge that would be hypocritical but yall kno what I'm talking about it's one thing to quote her but people get to feeling like they her and it becomes overkill everyday a new quote from her and I mean at least take it and make it your own. like my blogspot url I took it but I have made my own reasons as to way I feel that i'm that bitch(i'll explain later) and those wouldn't be my exact words when describing myself but yea some people are using it like yea I got every reason to feel that i'm that bitch because B can do it so I can to. NO you can't like people quote these rappers and singers and shit like everything they say is about them it just so happens that their words fir every situation in their life like it's ridiculous. and the damn word swagger for some reason is reallllllllllllly just killing me! and I know just because I want it to happen doesn't mean people will stop using the word/term whatever and I know already in '09 it's still gone be here but like I said i'm laughin', laughin' at you if you do it don't use that word it's played! played I tell you! ugh! and gotdamn why I take a nap everyday and can't sleep at night! not coo and I don't take baby naps I take all day naps nigga go to sleep when it's light wake up when it's dark but I guess that don't too much matter with daylight savings and what not but yea shit's been on my mind heavy...
something big is gonna happen soon...soon.
shit man Beyonce, swagger, naps!...
ugh it's all a mess! Everbody quotin Beyonce and I can't judge that would be hypocritical but yall kno what I'm talking about it's one thing to quote her but people get to feeling like they her and it becomes overkill everyday a new quote from her and I mean at least take it and make it your own. like my blogspot url I took it but I have made my own reasons as to way I feel that i'm that bitch(i'll explain later) and those wouldn't be my exact words when describing myself but yea some people are using it like yea I got every reason to feel that i'm that bitch because B can do it so I can to. NO you can't like people quote these rappers and singers and shit like everything they say is about them it just so happens that their words fir every situation in their life like it's ridiculous. and the damn word swagger for some reason is reallllllllllllly just killing me! and I know just because I want it to happen doesn't mean people will stop using the word/term whatever and I know already in '09 it's still gone be here but like I said i'm laughin', laughin' at you if you do it don't use that word it's played! played I tell you! ugh! and gotdamn why I take a nap everyday and can't sleep at night! not coo and I don't take baby naps I take all day naps nigga go to sleep when it's light wake up when it's dark but I guess that don't too much matter with daylight savings and what not but yea shit's been on my mind heavy...
something big is gonna happen soon...soon.
ugh the FRUSTRATION!!!
do you know what it's like to not be able to fully express yourself like you can you have the right but you're afraid in a way and you analyze the situation and just keep the shit to yourself and are mad!? I'm sure you do
But let me explain there's this guy that I liked and although I left him behind due to my re-location I kinda knew we had a connection and wondered what would become of it. Well know I know it kinda all hit me like a ton of bricks...so I've gotten over my ex. I love myself and my life at this point but there's this boy this damn boy who's miles away who is haunting me in a way. Like I don't think of him everyday but ever so often I do especially when I'm writing and then to make matters worse today I read a poem Balance by Nikki Giovanni and shit that is exactly what I been wanting to say but she said it so perfectly and so I almost posted it on fb and tagged the guy then thought what's the use because I tried that before a while back and recentyl and no response either time but then it wasn't so bad because I sorta kinda got a reaction in person but now I don't know what he's thinking how he's feeling maybe he moved on but there was nothing really ever there besides a connection but that's something and all I can do is over analyze the damn situation and no response from him how unfair it is. I mean certain times you can only be so obvious without actually coming out and saying it you know. And I thought about that to but I gotta big EGO lmao no but seriously that will hurt if I pour my fuckin heart out and get no response like poems are one thing and if I tag a few people and him but if I were to write him something personal like in his inbox...that's risking too much! so i'm stuck aint shit i could do but keep writing my damn poems and i could tag him but i don't want everyone in my biz you know and he's an asshole really so it suxz!!!! Ahhh somebody help!
what should i do?...
But let me explain there's this guy that I liked and although I left him behind due to my re-location I kinda knew we had a connection and wondered what would become of it. Well know I know it kinda all hit me like a ton of bricks...so I've gotten over my ex. I love myself and my life at this point but there's this boy this damn boy who's miles away who is haunting me in a way. Like I don't think of him everyday but ever so often I do especially when I'm writing and then to make matters worse today I read a poem Balance by Nikki Giovanni and shit that is exactly what I been wanting to say but she said it so perfectly and so I almost posted it on fb and tagged the guy then thought what's the use because I tried that before a while back and recentyl and no response either time but then it wasn't so bad because I sorta kinda got a reaction in person but now I don't know what he's thinking how he's feeling maybe he moved on but there was nothing really ever there besides a connection but that's something and all I can do is over analyze the damn situation and no response from him how unfair it is. I mean certain times you can only be so obvious without actually coming out and saying it you know. And I thought about that to but I gotta big EGO lmao no but seriously that will hurt if I pour my fuckin heart out and get no response like poems are one thing and if I tag a few people and him but if I were to write him something personal like in his inbox...that's risking too much! so i'm stuck aint shit i could do but keep writing my damn poems and i could tag him but i don't want everyone in my biz you know and he's an asshole really so it suxz!!!! Ahhh somebody help!
what should i do?...
La laaa la la
wait till I get my money right I had a dream I could buy my way to heaven When I awoke, I spent that on a necklace. I told God I'd be back in a second, Man It's so hard not to act reckless.To whom much is given, much is tested,Get arrested, got some chilli, get the message?I feel the pressure, under more scrutiny,And What I do? Act more stupidly.Bought More Jewlery, More Louis V, My momma couldn't get through to me.
anywho this is my tribute to Kanye and Louie V all in one lol. no really I have to share this with yall you already know how I feel about bein rich but if the money I want appeared right now I'd go to Louis Vuitton in frisco and cop this:
shits ill! the new spring 09 line of Louie V shits hot right but you gotta have money to get it but it's up my alley all the way I want it so bad it's on my super wish list! Sry I just wanted to fill yall in I promise this is not and will not become one of those fashion/picture blogs. There are ENOUGH of those but if something big comes up I will give a visual here and there. Get in!
Monday
are men really women with balls?
lmao! gotta LOVE sex and the city
&& i live. you know i wonder. i wonder a lot. but what i wonder most i guess is about realtionships...
i wanna know if a relationship could last without sex. not forever but until the two tie the knot. There are a fair amount of people who want to wait until they get married and i just wonder if they can have relationships that last, with sex nowadays being the hot thing. hell for that matter it always has been i guess...not sure. but I'm watching True Life:I'm abstinent and these people can either not have relationships because people aren't willing to compromise sex to be with them or they're in relationships that are failing because of lack of sex and I think that's sad and f'd up. Like virgins nowadays are just loners because they don't wanna have sex. IDK I just feel people should be able to have stable relationships with or without sex but sex has so much emotion involved you know so...what the hell why do people expect someone to give them everything like that.
ugh.
&& i live. you know i wonder. i wonder a lot. but what i wonder most i guess is about realtionships...
i wanna know if a relationship could last without sex. not forever but until the two tie the knot. There are a fair amount of people who want to wait until they get married and i just wonder if they can have relationships that last, with sex nowadays being the hot thing. hell for that matter it always has been i guess...not sure. but I'm watching True Life:I'm abstinent and these people can either not have relationships because people aren't willing to compromise sex to be with them or they're in relationships that are failing because of lack of sex and I think that's sad and f'd up. Like virgins nowadays are just loners because they don't wanna have sex. IDK I just feel people should be able to have stable relationships with or without sex but sex has so much emotion involved you know so...what the hell why do people expect someone to give them everything like that.
ugh.
Pretty Girls
You know something I hate the most is pretty girls with shitty attitudes and fine guys with shitty attitudes too! But what i'm sayin is that shit is so not appealing you can be the finest thang in the world but if you have no real personality that can take you from 60 to 0 fast! Now Wayne said it best(to me he's not a role model but has some good quotes) anyways "You think yo shit don't stank but you are Ms. PU" for some people that is so true!
I mean this is just something i've been noticing just from my experience looks can be decieving and beauty isn't everything! beauty fades. I don't quite understand the complex oh I look good so that gives me the right to act cocky. really i know that pretty people push people away because of like insecurities or because they think their looks alone will lead them to their destiny but no that's not coo it's one thing to be insecure when you have nothing physically to be insecure about but that shit runs deep and it's sad when people confuse that as being cocky some people are just shy. or goin through stuff. but when you're pretty and you know it and you're confident in your looks or what not you should not block out other people for being ugly or whatever that's not fair and that looses you cool points in the long run I just can't stress enough how unattractive that is to have a bad attitude. and then when I see two pretty people together I wonder how deep their connection is because if they have the same mindset and are equally shallow then there's nothing really there and that's sad.
I'm not sure of this is all making sense. I guess the message I hope you get is be concious of your actions evaluate yourself (ugly or pretty it's the same for both sides..) and don't judge a book by its cover. kapeesh?...
one love
I mean this is just something i've been noticing just from my experience looks can be decieving and beauty isn't everything! beauty fades. I don't quite understand the complex oh I look good so that gives me the right to act cocky. really i know that pretty people push people away because of like insecurities or because they think their looks alone will lead them to their destiny but no that's not coo it's one thing to be insecure when you have nothing physically to be insecure about but that shit runs deep and it's sad when people confuse that as being cocky some people are just shy. or goin through stuff. but when you're pretty and you know it and you're confident in your looks or what not you should not block out other people for being ugly or whatever that's not fair and that looses you cool points in the long run I just can't stress enough how unattractive that is to have a bad attitude. and then when I see two pretty people together I wonder how deep their connection is because if they have the same mindset and are equally shallow then there's nothing really there and that's sad.
I'm not sure of this is all making sense. I guess the message I hope you get is be concious of your actions evaluate yourself (ugly or pretty it's the same for both sides..) and don't judge a book by its cover. kapeesh?...
one love
Bubble baths and Face masks
damn it feel good don't it.
well yesterday was good. I treated myself to rest and relaxation but don't I always lol and I got sick for a min. but i'm better now =D which is all good. But yesterday I also found new idols. Madonna && Sessilee Lopez bad bitches uh huh. Well I never really seen Madonna outside of the performance scene but last night while watching Britney: for the record which was pretty good might I add and I got to get inside Madonnas mind for a ew minutes and she is smart and just an amazing woman! like she was speakin some real stuff..and then ms. Lopez GOOGLE HER she is a bad ass bitch I swear she's one of my inspirations in this modeling career i'm 'bout to start :D yea but more on that later
and that pretty much sums up the weekend. 11 days && schools out!!!! yes!(for a month at least)
well yesterday was good. I treated myself to rest and relaxation but don't I always lol and I got sick for a min. but i'm better now =D which is all good. But yesterday I also found new idols. Madonna && Sessilee Lopez bad bitches uh huh. Well I never really seen Madonna outside of the performance scene but last night while watching Britney: for the record which was pretty good might I add and I got to get inside Madonnas mind for a ew minutes and she is smart and just an amazing woman! like she was speakin some real stuff..and then ms. Lopez GOOGLE HER she is a bad ass bitch I swear she's one of my inspirations in this modeling career i'm 'bout to start :D yea but more on that later
and that pretty much sums up the weekend. 11 days && schools out!!!! yes!(for a month at least)
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